Let's talk about sobriety, being creative, and how the arms of the octopus that is life challenge us daily to become better people.


That Good Ol' Swingin' Arm of Change

It seems the second I stopped in this small town, my life has been in a constant (and when I say constant, I mean CONSTANT) state of change. Ever since I have admitted that I am powerless over alcohol, however, things have started to shift dramatically.

First, the not so great changes. (Don't worry, I promise not to dwell and/or wallow) :

I haven't been sleeping well. This is the first time in my life that I have found it hard to get to sleep no matter how dog tired I am. I will also wake up at random times to toss and turn and mull over all of life's most important questions such as: "Why do people like Russell Crowe anyway? I just don't get it!"

Most seriously though, I have been losing my temper with my students. To understand exactly how alarming this is, you must know that I have been told a LOT how much people admire how patient I am with them. I pride myself on how patient and, well, not to toot my own horn but, "Toot!", almost goddamn saintly I am when it comes to my endless patience. (It is a virtue after all.) For me to be getting angry so quickly is awful. Luckily, this not so great change has lead into one of my good ones! (See? Didn't I tell you I wouldn't dwell?)

I quit my job at the school. I handed in my letter of resignation yesterday without hesitation. Not having alcohol to go to as a release, as a pain and sadness numbing tool, I realized I had to try my damndest to get happy fast if I had any hope of remaining sober. Quitting my job will allow me to focus more on my habilitation and respite clients. I will also have much more time to write, read, be with myself, and find myself again.

While drinking, I forgot who I was, who I am, and who I want to be. I love to write! I love to read! I love hanging out with my true self! I love not being afraid to find the humor in shitty situations! Without those parts of my life I was miserable (not to mention I was starting to get the personality of a kitchen sponge; and I'm not talkin' the squarepants kind either).

Alcohol dulled the unhappiness, yes. At times it even seemed to make it disappear. When I did away with it I meditated, I prayed, I talked openly and honestly with people (something that is still extremely hard for me). Through that I am sitting at my computer and writing. I am buying book after book and reading like mad. I quit my job and am looking forward to the quality time that will give me with myself. I am starting to crack jokes even if some might find them tasteless because you know what? If you don't think I'm as hilarious as I think I am, then I don't want to hang out with you anyway.

Quitting drinking is helping me get ME back.

I understand that I am only a month and some odd days into this scary, daunting process. I understand that it's good today but may not be tomorrow, a week from now, a month from now. I do. What I am doing is simply celebrating today. Today is good. I am here. I am present. And if tomorrow happens to be complete dog shit? Well, I will be there and present, too. And for that I am grateful.

Love and Light,



  1. And I'll be right along there with you. So happy that we've become friends!