When putting my own pieces together and realizing and admitting that I am an alcoholic I thought it was impossible! How could I be? That would make me just like the man I have refused to have any contact with for so long! But there was no denying it in the long run. I am absolutely alcoholic. What a blessing this has turned out to be.
Through my own alcoholism I have realized that my dad wasn't choosing booze over me. He doesn't love it more than he loves me. He is an alcoholic. He has a progressive disease that tricks him, lies to him, coaxes him deeper and deeper into the darkness. I made choices myself that made no sense all because my disease told me to. Because of this, I have forgiven him. I understand that he was only being the best father he was capable of being. He was doing the best he knew how.
Because of my alcoholism I am able to be freed from the despair I mentioned earlier. I understand. I have forgiven.
Someday I may call him and share all of this. For now I am going to give thanks for the newfound freedom I have been blessed with. I now fully understand the saying, "GRATEFUL recovering alcoholic".