Feelings

I have been sneak attacked!

This morning my life seemed rosy and beautiful and happy. Everything has been snapping into place and I have been feeling more confident than ever in where my life is going. Why then have I been fighting off the urge to cry like a middle schooler who just got dumped all week? Seriously. It's all working out. My job is fabulous. My family is supportive. My money situation is looking up. I'm making friends and meaningful connections. It even appears that I have a place to live this coming summer. Yet I more often than not have been finding myself lying on my floor, legs and arms splayed out dramatically, eyes clenched shut, just needing to cry or, at times, needing to break something. Ooo! Breaking something... Yes. That sounds pretty damn good.

These moments sneak up and freak me out every time. Nothing seems to have happened before to make me think, "Okay. Now would be a great time to go throw a fit on the floor." Nope. I actually end up on the floor before I even realize I'm upset! What the hell? I am just really confused. I don't know where these emotions are coming from or why they flood me without warning.

I have been sober for two months now and feel great about it. I feel more present and patient with my family. I feel like I am finally coming into myself again. I'm just really freaked out by all of these intense and, at times, paralyzing, emotions.

Should I be calling someone when they creep up? Should I allow myself to break down, even if that means I would have to explain my bizarre display to my family? Should I be worried that this is happening? Is it normal? If it is normal, how long does it last? I just feel so clueless and confused.

Thanks and love,

Sadie